The sweep has been avoided, thanks to bats
That figured out a way to score off men
Who throw with their left hand; defying stats
That made us seem as if we can’t hit them.
Our favorite shortstop hit one out at Coors,
The greatest ginger also knocked in runs;
And even though Maeda’s line was poor,
The winds of Denver made the hitting fun.
To mention Forsythe, I must do, since he,
The leadoff man went three-for-five, while Joc’s
Line, hitting pinch, was sweet, at two-for-three.
And Sergio, so far, shows that he rocks.
Today, we’ll face the ones that slayed us last.
O Wrigley, we have come to ‘venge the past.
Uncommon sight, it is, to see our ace
Allow three dingers. But ‘tis the effect
Of leaving pitches in the upper sect
In Denver, where balls fly without a trace.
Despite a Toles home run to tie the race,
A rally is what we failed to erect.
And when Puig was caught stealing third, we sent
Our groans and emphasized them with boldface.
‘Tis early in the season, so no fears
I have about C.K. – just one bad game.
Before resigning, I must give some cheers
To the bullpen’s ability to tame
The enemy when they keep smashing spheres.
Now let us not be swept, for would be lame.
‘Twas not enough offense to back up Hyun-
jin Ryu’s comeback from his elbow’s ail.
His efforts strong, but we tapped just one run
Off of the Rockies’ lefty – no avail.
Encouraged, still, we are, as the bullpen
Refused to let the Rockies put up more.
And though that advantage was not taken,
Our favorite ginger hit well: two-for-four.
But there may be a curse upon our team,
For lefties are the Boys’ Achilles heel.
Each southpaw-meeting’s like an ugly dream
That I may not wake up from, since it’s real.
The eventide, though, gives me hope – for He,
The greatest pitcher in the realm, we’ll see.
“Se va, se va, ¡se fue!” times two
For Yasiel, who now commands the lead
In dingers! He’s been hot, what did he do
In the offseason? B-Mac, please, we need
You to throw pitches just like that each game
So our rotation’s solid, filled with depth.
The bullpen’s also armored, much acclaim
To Hatcher and Luis; no holding breath
In these past four, for that I must commend.
But, Puig, ‘tis back to you—the king of pop
Is starting to look great; we like this trend
And hope that red lights will not make you stop.
Before the game in Colo, we must think:
Is this the year where there’s no missing link?
Because a lefty was not on the mound
For San Diego, we did not fall short
Of hitting balls where they could not be found.
Rich Hill provided the perfect retort
To last game’s failure. Puig was also strong
Up at the plate: the man went two for three
With one of those being a monster dong.
The Padres made mistakes: stung like a bee
As we took ‘vantage. After Rich we saw
The bullpen do its work, With Sergio
Making his Blue debut; ‘twas scoreless draw
Succeeded by A-Wood. Who capped the show?
The California Love came from left field
And pitched a perfect ninth to seal the deal.
Impossible it is to win them all,
Even against the team that is the worst.
‘Tis hard when Kenta can’t control the ball,
But on the bright side: nobody got hurt.
The offense failed to muster up a run,
With just five hits to show for our attempts.
The Padres plated four: their dinner fun,
While turning four double plays on defense.
But so it goes, Kurt Vonnegut would say
Sometimes they suck and just can’t dominate.
The Boys in Blue shan’t frown – they’ll find a way
To make it up and face a better fate.
So, fan, if you are feeling lack of will:
Rejoice! For morrow’s noon, we’ll start Rich Hill.
At first, our hearts were scared about the run
That came about from Corey’s clumsy toss.
But fears: they quickly died when Pederson
Increased our lead to four and proved he’s boss.
And, as expected, Kershaw missed no beat
By K’ing eight; his hits allowed – just two.
The Padres, as predicted, can’t compete:
Unable to bring down the Boys in Blue.
Grandal created dingers from both sides
While Corey also swung a monster dong.
And this whole game was played under clear skies,
And ended with the L.A. victory song.
The season premiere’s over – oh what fun!
But more games must be played: that’s just game one.